Four Reasons Leading Emotionally Traumatized Employees Is So Challenging

Everyone will enter the stages of grief at some point in their life, and it will impact their work life.  The list of events that can trigger grieving is endless. While the death of a loved one is the most obvious cause, here are some of the less thought of, but every bit as powerful, causes of trauma in a person’s life.

• Divorce
• A significant illness diagnosis (personally or of a close relative)
• Crushed hopes and dreams of retirement due to a financial crisis
• The isolation and uncertainty of a pandemic
• A child or loved one dealing with addiction

If grief and grieving is so common, why is leading emotionally traumatized or grieving employees one of the most awkward and uncomfortable challenges a leader will face?  We believe there are four primary reasons.

1. Our society as a whole does not deal well with those who have been emotionally traumatized.

Have you ever been in this situation:

You are in the grocery store and see a friend or acquaintance who has recently been emotionally traumatized.  Maybe he or she has lost his job or has received a cancer diagnosis.  You quickly drop your eyes, hoping he did not see you.  You think to yourself, “I hope I don’t have to talk to him; I don’t know what to say.”

I know I have done this many times.  At that moment, we become part of the problem.  We let our being uncomfortable get in the way of being a good friend or neighbor.  It is amazing how many friendships get ruined by this fearful response to grief.  Maybe it is because we don’t know what to say.  Or perhaps we don’t want to trigger an emotional response.  Or perhaps the cause of the other person’s grief hits too close to home.  Whatever the reason, we choose to disengage rather than engage.

Unfortunately, the unintended consequence of our failure to engage causes the grieving person to feel further isolated and alone in his struggle.  This same phenomenon plays out in the workplace as well when a leader fails to engage in the grief process of a traumatized employee.

2. There is a lack of training to help leaders understand how to engage and lead an emotionally traumatized employee or team.

As I was doing some research for our book, THE DYING ART OF LEADERSHIP, I ran across a quote by business leader and author, James Autry. The quote appears in his book CONFESSIONS OF AN ACCIDENTAL BUSINESSMAN, and it is so true.  He says, “Business doesn’t prepare us for the presence of death at the office.  The business schools don’t teach anything about it, about what the manager says when someone says, ‘I have cancer,’ or about what to say to the other employees who will have to spend days and days with this constant reminder of their own mortality.” Need we say more?  You could easily replace the word “death” with the word grief, and the phrase “I have cancer” with any of the causes of trauma listed above.

3. Talking about emotional well-being and struggles at work is often taboo.

Whether intentional or not, most organization’s cultures make it difficult for an employee to discuss their emotional well-being and to admit they are struggling.  At best, the employee feels discussing such issues is inappropriate at work, and at worst, it is viewed as a weakness if the employee asks for help to get through this challenging period in their lives.  When you combine this cultural issue with a lack of leadership training on how to deal with this issue, the employee’s performance and potential are often impacted.

4. Organizations do not have a process to deal with emotionally traumatized employees.

From overall leave and bereavement policies to flexible work and leadership training, most organizations lack a process to deal with emotionally traumatized employees.  This lack of processes results in everyone pretending it is “business as usual” when the employee returns to work.  Nothing could be further from the truth for the traumatized and grieving employee.

Here is some food for thought for organizations and leaders.

1. Organizations need to determine what their emotional well-being culture is and how it compares to their vision.
2. Leaders need to learn to engage in an employee’s grief process.
3. Leaders need to adapt their leadership style to help the grieving employee through the difficult period.
4. Leaders need to learn the difficult task of balancing compassionate leadership with ensuring business objectives continue to be met, thus avoiding the productivity losses that often accompany these situations.

The fact is, leadership matters when dealing with an emotionally traumatized employee.  It matters to the employee.  It matters to the team, and it matters to the organization.

To continue to learn more about leading emotionally traumatized or grieving employees, follow us on LinkedIn.

Tell us your leadership or return to work grief story by clicking the link Share Your Return to Work Grief Story

Anthony Casablanca

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