A friend stopped by the other day to bring something to my wife.  He was on his way to his second shift job, but he had time to chat. As it approached the time he needed to leave, he turned to my wife and said, “Do you know what tomorrow is?” My wife, with a stunned look on her face, struggled to find an answer.  Our friend broke the silence by saying, “Tomorrow will be exactly two years that Mary died.” That realization brought tears to my wife’s eyes, and she hugged our friend.

What I learned from the flash of that instant

1. As I watched this moment unfold, I realized that for him, tomorrow was not just another day. Tomorrow would be a day filled with emotions that almost no one around him would know or possibly even care to understand.
2. I realized that in that moment, our friend felt safe enough not to have to hide his feelings or vulnerability. Tomorrow he would have to put on a face of strength for his family, but with us, he could share his grief.
3. I also sadly realized, for the first time in my life, that every day is not just another day for someone.

The implications of this story on leadership

A big part of leadership deals with creating a safe environment for people.  Every leader understands this from a physical standpoint, but what about from an emotional well-being point of view?

Our friend is not going to behave in quite the same way at work tomorrow as he has previously.  In fact, his behavior has likely been different all week in anticipation of this coming day.  Wouldn’t it be a great gift to him if the organization and the people around him knew why and made him feel supported?  All he wanted us to do was to acknowledge what he was feeling, and that is all he would need at work as well.

So how could a leader approach this subject with his/her people?  I suggest asking this simple question of your team at the beginning of each month.  Does anyone have a day this month that is not just another day for you?  By the way, not all of these days have to be dreadful.  Many will be days of joy.  You will be amazed at how your team responds.

Anthony Casablanca

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