Should You Tell an Emotionally Traumatized Employee “Things Could be Worse”

A post appeared on LinkedIn containing a video from Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant. The video was an excerpt from a video about their book, Option B. Saying the post was met with a visceral response would be an understatement. This article is not written to come to Sheryl and Adam’s defense, but rather because our purpose at GriefLeaders is to guide leaders on how to help grieving or emotionally traumatized employees excel at work. From that perspective, we felt we should offer our perspective on this topic.

Option B is a well-written book we would recommend to anyone who is grieving or to leaders of those who are grieving.

Having read Sheryl’s and Adam’s book, Option B, we would highly recommend it to anyone who wants to understand better the impact grief has on a person. In the book, Sheryl provides a detailed description of how the sudden loss of her husband impacted her and her children emotionally, mentally, and physically. She also talks about what returning to work in the early and deep stages of grief was like for her. How she was unable to concentrate, stay awake, or control her emotions. The book also reveals the relationship she had with Adam and the time frame in which the “things could be worse” comment was made.

Adam is a close friend of Sheryl’s and a psychologist, not a grief counselor.

There is a big difference between the perspective of a psychologist and the perspective of a grief counselor. Similarly, interacting with a grieving person as a psychologist and interacting with an emotionally traumatized employee as a leader is different. Unlike in the video clip, in the book, it is more evident that Adam believed Sheryl was ready to be challenged to keep things in perspective based on his friendship with her and his training as a psychologist. The video, however, gives the impression that the first words he spoke to Sheryl were “things could be worse.”

Leaders should never tell emotionally traumatized employees “things could be worse.”

Leaders are not trained psychologists or grief counselors, nor should we be. In our book, The Dying Art of Leadership, we provide tips to leaders on how to handle emotionally traumatized and grieving employees. I can assure you that the phrase “things could be worse” is nowhere to be found on that list. We do, however, encourage leaders to do the following:

• Engage the employee in the grief process and to not cower away from having the emotional, awkward, and uncomfortable conversation regarding what they are experiencing.
• To listen to the employee with compassion and concern.
• Be willing to act to support the employee’s emotional well-being during a difficult time.

Among other phrases, we suggest leaders use something like, “I wish there were magic words I could say to make this easier on your and your family, but there aren’t. However, I would like to talk with you about how the team (or organization) can help you through this.”

Leadership matters most when an employee is traumatized or grieving.

According to a study by The Grief Recovery Institute, grief in the workplace costs US companies a staggering $75 billion annually. Leaders who are willing to engage rather than treat the employee like its business as usual can minimize the impact on productivity. The leaders desire to ignore the situation is understandable but unacceptable. We recommend leaders:

• Implement our Adaptive Leadership model
• Engage in the employee’s grief process
• Lead with courage and compassion and avoid the trap of managing everyone uniformly
• Engage and involve the entire team

If you would like to see the video referenced in this article, you can visit YouTube and search Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant Option B video. There is a two and half minute version containing this excerpt.

To continue to learn more about leading emotionally traumatized or grieving employees, follow us on LinkedIn.

While visiting our website, take a moment to share your grieving at work story by clicking on the link Share Your Return to Work Grief Story. Hearing real-life experiences from both the traumatized employee or leaders of grieving employees helps us to better tailor our leadership training.

Anthony Casablanca

Order a copy of our book, The Dying Art Of Leadership.  About Our Book

Engage in a complimentary consultation Consultation Contact Form

Follow us on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/anthonycasablanca/